We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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