Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
smell my finger.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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