my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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