Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
