Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Randomize
