You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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