What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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