We're facebook friends in real life
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Come see our sink grown plant.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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