Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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