Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
