By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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