he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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