My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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