I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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