My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
