this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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