Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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