if you like me you must not know who I am
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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