i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
