You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
