Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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