ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
