Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
