OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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