At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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