I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
