Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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