What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
