I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
