I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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