Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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