Will you blow on my dice?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Please don't give away my fajitas
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
