The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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