all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
