If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
