maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
