i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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