I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
