one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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