I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
