So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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