Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
MIDGETS
????
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
