So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Randomize
