hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
