every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
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