We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
You're like the curious george of whores
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
