my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
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