so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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