He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
