I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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