Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
