can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Randomize
