I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
