did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
